Wednesday, October 23, 2019

"Купи мне пятницу тоже."

     Вот она, детская непосредственность, которой мне так сильно не хватает. Когда я начинаю думать и мечтать такими оборотами, врывается моя взрослость и начинает рисовать все возможные и придуманные материально-технические вопросы, портящие всю картину. Долой! - должна я кричать сразу. "Долой", - уже кричу я вслух!

Стихи Марии Чайковской:

Я буду в пятницу, 
ты закажи два билета в цирк. 
Я буду в пятницу, 
ты купи новый мотоцикл. 
Я буду в пятницу, 
ты останься, пожалуйста, жив. 
Я буду в пятницу, 
я, я буду, как ты просил. 
Купи мне игрушек - я буду хорошей, 
я буду плохой с тобой. 
Купи мне тот город, 
в котором смогу я совсем без одежд, нагой. 
Купи мне то море, 
в котором все рыбы и все корабли мои. 
Купи мне то небо и всё, 
что между от земли. 
Я буду в пятницу, 
ты скажи им у тебя выходной. 
Я буду в пятницу, 
ты будь лично, пожалуйста, мой. 
Я буду в пятницу, 
я еще не знаю в какую, но всё же. 
Я буду в пятницу - 
купи мне пятницу тоже.

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Otono flies have taken over the house. 
The water is leaving, exposing vulnerabilities.
Season of memories. 
Moments of reflection in whispers of rising steam
Trying to warm up the universe, make it a home.

Art by Willard Wigan

Saturday, September 21, 2019

Sister Circle

     I am Alisa. I am 36 years old (I calculated this a week ago, that's how I know). I am a mother of two, sometimes three, kids. And that's pretty much all I know. My journey to myself started when my kids chose me as a parent. I've never been a woman and stayed away from other women. I had never accepted my womanhood, called it names, joked about it. My body was a shell to be rid of. My relationship with my parents was formal. And my love relationships kept falling apart.
     Today, I am in love with my children, my partner, my life, and I'm learning to be a woman in this lifetime. I am on a path to self-discovery, finding magic I've been longing for, learning the laws of the Universe, experimenting with every aspect of being. I am a student. I am a woman. I am human. I am strong and weak. I am a force. I am a child. And I'd like to turn all these "I"s into "We".
     What I would like to ask all the women in the community is to participate in a circle. A Circle of Sisterhood, if you will. We can name it something beautiful together. You and I, and every woman we know has a lot to offer - we're goddesses, women, girls, students, artists, mystics, shamans, healers, chefs, frequency holders, emotional containers, atoms, dancers, yogis, body workers, musicians, whisperers, astrologers, psychics, gardeners, witches, seamstresses, actresses, weavers, dreamers, alchemists, creators, muses; we're full of love, happiness, desires, emotional needs, we're hysterical and funny; and sometimes we're also stressed, lost, helpless, tired, sick, angry, unhappy, unwilling to ask for help, unable to accept love. Some of us have children, some don't. Some have husbands, some are divorced, some are seeking a good man. Or a good time.
     Here's my vision: taking into account all of the above, we, women, can gather, learn, discuss, exchange, share, discover together, hold space for sacred and, when needed, secretive. We can build each other up, inspire our daughters, grow with our sons, get to know our neighbors, help those in need, celebrate & recreate holidays, find ancient wisdoms, and just be. And by grand communal support we can create happy families, strong relationships. We can learn to belly laugh and dance and cry and hug the moon. Our souls are forever intertwined, and the possibilities are as vast and grand as the Universe. Will you join?

Art by Carrie Martinez




Thursday, September 5, 2019

Фукуле/Fukule. Let go.

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Control Issues: Fall of the Summer

     It's overwhelming. People's lives are much overflowing with every emotion & every possible event. I feel all of it, and it's too much. I yearn to be alone, by myself - the only time I open up. In that empty space I am free, and I can feel myself, be me. Yet, there's little hope for advancement in solitude. Eventually I'd have to go out and spy, interact, react and take in. Please, me, let's be like flowing water - transparent in all ways, not letting anything get stuck, just flow, flow... and learn.

Photo: stolen

Thursday, April 4, 2019

     He told me: "He printed a program for everyone. You have to realize, in those times not everyone could afford a rain umbrella, yet he always had a program for everyone who came to his concerts. How did he do it?!" Now that was some perspective. And a damn good question.

Photo: Ted Forbes

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

The unmentionables

      Just on a physical plane, we spend about 9 months being formed, then years growing, perfecting - stroke after stroke, layer after layer, inch by inch - and end up with a Human Body. A system so amazing, a lifetime isn't enough to appreciate it, to learn it, to discover all it can do. A self-healing organism able to overcome anything. So complicated and beautiful, our bodies take our breath away, we even want to own more than one sometimes. Then we start to disrespect it - we poison it with food and drink, substances, chemicals, negative thoughts and destructive ideas. This is mind-blowing. You, we have a body; that fact alone contains so much happiness. What a gift! open it. We're all going to leave it someday, enjoy it every day. Explore, experiment, love, take care.

Photo: Craig Tracy body art

Monday, April 1, 2019

Go talk to her

   I'm listening to myself talk. No, scratch that. I'm listening to a recording of my conversation with a channeler. And I think to myself - if I didn't know the person talking (myself), what would I think of her? I think I would like to meet her, she seems interesting. What is she like? - I wonder. What am I like? I don't know. You don't know yourself?! You can't be serious. Where's the curiosity? Where have you been - lived a whole life with yourself and don't even know... how strange... We're strangers.

Illustration: Genevieve Bormes

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Space that doesn't curve

     Blue in Green has overwhelmed me today. Memories had rushed back, memories of amazing musicians whose talent I got to bask in. I would wrap myself in music almost every day of my life, for years, and visit hidden worlds. The gratitude I feel towards all who share their love for life through art of everything is ... indescribable, immense, Hokusai's Wave big. I remember love because of them - the kind that comes from between our lives. I better go listen now, before the song ends...


Tuesday, February 19, 2019

My Very Vegan Dreamy Dreams

     The recipe is simple, yet painfully unattainable. It's hard to find the ingredients, unless you live somewhere else. And the resources are excused out of existence. It is only a dream, barely worth writing for, a venting venture that weighs a ton.
     The upside-down recipe:
* blow away the smell of all cooking carcasses from the house forever;
* eliminate meat and alcohol from my children's holiday celebrations;
* surround myself with vegans and their families;
* avoid touching dead things at all cost.

     That's it! No preheating the oven or taking out a skillet; it's all raw & organic.

     Grace. 

Saturday, January 5, 2019

I'm crocheting hats for the stars,
hugging
wind with my hair,
tracing footprints in my thoughts - 
looking for that wrong turn,
searching for the right path.
stamping smiles on the waves of emotions.
Written on a guitar that was tuned as:
bottom string - маленькая серебряная овечка в космосе,
second string - empty hall, no audience,
third string - тёёёёплый шарф,
fourth string - melancholy,
fifth string - philosophical hot chocolate at midnight,
sixth string - a hip jazz musician.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

I have to day today

     I lay and gave in and it showed itself. My brain had calloused over in the past 6 years. Became rigid, static, encased. A piece of that shell came off on the Genesis and exposed the raw material inside: the boundless, the endless, the possible. I need to sit now and feel. While it's so very fresh, I want to apply all I am and create. More, always more, the ever-expanding life that I never wish to end.


Thursday, September 6, 2018

     Looking to ground a grater while grating chocolate, the process of which builds static electricity, sending chocolate shavings all over. Thoughts?


Monday, August 27, 2018

     Я помню ту безветренную ночь, когда я впервые услышала шорох свёртывающихся сухих листьев. И тот день, когда я увидела фракталы в облаках. А ещё был тот момент "аха!" когда я увидела линию на воде, в речке; что она разделяет? Однажды я разломила веточку тополя и нашла там звёздочку. Много чего могу назвать и показать. И ведь всё это пришло ко мне уже во взрослом возрасте! Вселенная безгранична, и человек тоже. Теперь я передаю свои "знания" дальше, детям. А может сохранить парочку на то время, когда они будут старше меня, чтобы не забывали волшебство?
photo credit goes to Melissa Walker



Saturday, August 11, 2018

Mission Impossible

     Ночь, бабочки и Млечный Путь; ветерок, созвездия и мерцающие корабли. Здравствуй, Вселенная. Вот скажи мне, почему мне так сложно любить? Или даже не любить, а выражать эту огромную любовь? ... А, точно! это моя жизненная миссия - любить, я это знала с самого начала, теперь помню. Поэтому мне попадаются такие люди, которых сложно, очень сложно любить - чтобы я научилась это делать. Но вот только давным-давно мама сказала, что не надо этого - а вдруг придёт какой-то толстый, лысый, вонючий, злой, и его тоже придётся любить. Конечно, она не о том говорила, но она была права. Мама, в общем, всегда права. Хотя я вот уже сама мама, и мне кажется что я не бываю права никогда. Это наверное потому, что начать любить нужно с себя.
     Хорошо с тобой, Вселенная, спасибо за горячий шоколад.


photo credit: Harriet Russell "Sixty Impossible Things Before Lunch"