Thursday, October 9, 2014

Doggie-style Writing and Other Characters

I don't like sex.
There are no estrogen level problems, abuse issues, stress disasters, my diet is great, self-esteem is good, health is excellent. I'm not distracted or depressed, or repressed. I have never been with a bad partner, male or female.
I just don't like it.
For a long time I thought I were impotent. Google it - no one talks about women impotence. So I searched and read, and nothing made me feel any better. There are pills! Did you know? I felt worthless. People would say, "If we can't have sex, we can't be friends", "I haven't been laid in months, what kind of a partner are you?" I was humiliated.
To this day I feel absolutely terrible denying my partner loving penetrations. But what has changed, is that one day I realized that it was normal to not like intercourse. Huge weight off my shoulders. Now try to explain that to the person you claim to love forever.
I am a big lover, I want to spread love all over the universe, just without sex. People get confused by me - I love you and yet I don't want to fuck you.
What to do?
Every time things get even close to IT, I want to run into the bathroom and die. Or climb out the window and run. I want to disappear.
My idea of loving is through every moment - talking, exchanging glances, being around each other, cuddling, caressing, sharing life. I am very physical & touchy. I imagine that when two people come together, they can tune into each other completely, fuse together, become one. And then they levitate. Literally levitate together, in the air, and their bodies then emit a soft blue light. I imaging that's how children are conceived - when you know the exact day you created a life, with someone, together.
I have yet to experience that.
Life's like that - never-ending-interesting.

art by ymymy

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