Monday, September 20, 2021
Sunday, July 18, 2021
Thursday, July 15, 2021
I scarf down caution stickers,
safety off the floor
Yet my heart is still beating with elecricity,
excitement, propelling something into my body
I have felt before
survival settled in
I looked the other way when music played
just like I look away from
Saturday, July 3, 2021
ate my flowers
the apricot tree
Can't look at what else
I'm going to yoga
Только что вспомнила, как мы, будучи детьми, вылазили на крышу 9ти этажки. Представила своих детей на крыше, и чуть ли не умерла на месте. Что нас останавливало постоянно туда лазить? Страх бездомных заросших мужиков, живущих на этих чердаках. Ужас. Заброшенные стройки отдыхают.
If I have to drive a stake
into the heart
to mark my free spirit
So be it
When did I start ending the days
instead of letting them be
whatever they want
I can lie to myself all I want but my body won't let me
forbidden photo 18.V.2021
But somehow it doesn't feel like much.
Onto the next person you go...
I look at people,
but how often I recognize them
Time is relative, even in Breguet's world.
(if I only I knew then...)
I tuned my guitar,
I lost two strings.
My ax balalaika,
my friend with a lisp.
There are things everyone knows the reason for, but no one talks about. And once you start taking about it, no one can explain that reason.
There's a full moon inside
Yet I feel so flattened.
I am a seed with endless lives, a noxious species.
Running from reality
I am too.
Until it becomes new reality.
What's the illusion?
Saturday, June 26, 2021
Friday, June 18, 2021
There's an old expression named Comfort Zone. It sounds cozy and safe, while in reality it's our cave of fears that we're used to living in. Let's be honest, we've adapted to it, we're in it. It's not a comfort zone. Please put some thought into this.
Let's look around us. We're here in the mountains, living in awe of the beauty around us, every day being grateful to be here. It's a tad dry, but still gorgeous, and we're in touch with it. People are great, too. Visitors are kind and thankful. We're so perfect on the outside.
It used to be lush here, we hear. It was busy with airplanes, money, sageness. And then it dried up. Ever wonder why?
In the past couple of years we had 3 (maybe more) major drug houses disappear from the Baca. But they were there, for years. Some burned down in Moffat. Crestone is now famous not only for the enlightening retreats, but also for a missing young woman, who was raped repeatedly and accidently killed; it's famous for Love has Won; it's famous for its drug use (you just won't find it on the white internet). We have a drug cartel in the Valley. We have people struggling with mental health, right here in our community, committing suicide, or otherwise suffering. There are random people spilling in from nearby places, driving around asking our women for blowjobs. There's never-ending theft. We have youth who seem to be unnoticed, being creative on their own, finding their roles in the world, while we have no youth center in sight, providing just the sidewalks to ride bikes on and to skateboard. The liquor store is a busy, busy hub. Police is a joke. We're in poverty. There are things happening you will never believe me if I told you.
Crestone won't be riding on the Spiritual Center train for long. Look for yourself.
And you know what can change all of that? Art, music and literature.
Anyone exposed to mindful art and music and literature for just a few minutes each day will have their lives changed. It's a fact. We need to understand this.
There are musicians in town sharing their music, their love and their time with all of us. Professional and amateur musicians providing music, entertainment and education. And they're running into political obstacles and neighborly complaints. Everyone needs to be aware of this.
I am not asking you to get out of your Comfort Zone today and act on the urge to better our town. But I am asking you to start thinking differently. That alone with bring all the lushness and riches back to us. There is a way to live like we belong in this ocean, with ease and grace, without the fear of losing something, or everything.
Thursday, April 1, 2021
Heartbreaking to realize how much drug & alcohol use my family is surrounded with. What is it all about, I sat down to think. An escape. Escape from reality. Do I do it, too? Books, food, music, bills, tea, sleep, information, social media, turning the other way, thinking things will go away or appear on their own, daydreaming, not living in harmony, not accepting change... I escape reality all the time. But then where do I live? Do I swap one reality for another, non-stop? Stop! which is the original?
Maybe it's the one born out of love.
Wednesday, March 24, 2021
for true love
you ought to get cleaned up now
Thank you for showing me how rude I've been to myself. Thank you for telling me I deserve better. Your ways don't always look straightforward, the events have gotten violent because I couldn't hear you when your voice was still soft. I get it now. It's all for me and you. It's all from me and you. They're short, yet very powerful, these 100 years. I can wait to be fully you again. I can create Your magic here. Our magic. Now.
When the tears dried
It came to be:
the choice is always here.
To laugh, be, eat, see, love
The most freeing of them all -
to live or leave.
Such sudden power.
I'd molded myself
to make someone else comfortable,
It didn't do either of us
Tea is a pause
all that I am
for & against
the ebbing of my life
I said, no more fires -
I made a mistake.
I'm gathering fears, black
setting myself ablaze.
Not everything we lose
Timid souls hiding in the day
of books, clothes, dinner plates.
Coming out at night
on the astral plane.
Feeling like they're standing
in front of a door,
a breakthrough the next day.
having some horseplay
Changes are so swift
I'm enjoying cracking them
The insights, comings-to,
nothing is lacking.
I'm loving this view,
She dips her demitasse
into my bowl,
May my vessel be always
full. For her.
I dreamt last night to the full Moon
that I walked away from abuse
Drew a different circle,
I made love to Music & Science,
I was caressed by Art, Strength,
I saw how deficit, defeat and loss
were left red-eyed,
half-naked, disoriented, behind
in that old apartment building
where my car lost its flywheel.
Everytime I get used to amazement
Amazement wildly gushes in.
Behind the fog I see golden temples.
Harvesting milk for tea in the dark
Twins playing with a golden Moon
a ship, fire clouds, party stars
birds and animals, fish, myths
no up, no down
I've shot all messengers from before.
Suddenly, I know what the messages are for,
where they came from, how they never stop.
Time to end the massacre.
Lost: tools for storytelling.
Backgrounds, ancient woods,
trajectories of love, stars, planets,
scales of dragons, fish, of music,
all waters of the Universe,
yours and mine moods,
maps, wings, and wishes,
all kinds of things that can unfold forever.
If found: look inside.
Watching fractals in the sky
Despite the mountain being tall,
despite dark clouds
the light is walking in.
Am I still looking at the world
with eyes of days gone by?
My tea is 42 second long.
I sip some after every thought;
Instead of “How are you?” we should be asking: “What are you dealing with today? What are you struggling with?” Because I don’t know a single person who’s not hurting in some way. And I know we all want to be seen. Not many know or want to heal or go beyond the pain. I do. I see you. I can’t always acknowledge you because of my own. Pain is always speaking, it’s always telling you something, showing what the soul wants. If only you were cold or hot, but you’re just warm. Choose to live, like you did before you came in.
Вселенская любовь доступна каждому. Надо только ей открыться. Она вливается в нас каждую секунду. А мы способны её взять и показать другим: через слова, руки, через музыку, поступки… Это и есть наше предназначение. Это помощь другим; через свою щедрость мы познаём и исцеляем себя, и Вселенная через нас познаёт себя. И получается так красиво!
I want snowdrops and lilies of the valley
to bloom everywhere I go,
everywhere I am,
to hold me in a hug
of the Universe.
I admit, it's nice when people don't know you well enough to be happy to see you.
I admit, it's nice when people don't know you well enough and are happy to see you
Things that change
the structure of your bones,
the sunrise mood,
the way you touch the world,
In wonder I watch how my gaze stops
and doesn't go farther.
Furthermore, neither does my thought.
I name my tea bowl Lady Danube,
for I dream it overflows with Matcha,
in all abundance, all desires, greed,
smiles, dancing, tears.
May all the things be done with Lady Danube
in my left hand.
Some days I feel like my child is smuggling milk into the Universe, she drinks and drinks, and drinks... Some days I know I'm smuggling milk in from the Universe, to fill her need.
Было бы у меня время проанализировать текущую жизнь, я бы, наверное, ужаснулась. Но меня спасают дети, от излишней умственной деятельности...
I have many ideas, but I don't know physics, is what my dad says. And so there they are, hanging motionless, breaking rules of the Universe.
Nature's gray this time of year stands out, brings balance, takes away the minus. My kids' pink reminds me of confidence and mission, orange brings everything together. I'm painting with nitrogen, and that's how things flow.
The door has been crying, it wants to be an opera singer. I didn't really gave it much thought at first, shared some hyaluronic acid, thought it was an appearance complex. Now it's high notes, shredding my morning peace. I need to find a lending ear, a tutor, comforting grease. Maybe a YouTube video of other doors' dreams.
You know, I'm going to amend 24/7 to 24*7. And then occasionally I'll throw 168/wk in there and here.