You know, no one likes a fast driver. Deer and all. Dogs. Facebook group discussions. Shame. Speed of light files a report against you with cold government agencies. You show up in the newspaper in the Crime Report column with cryptic "Crestone female, 32, $1M bail set." But there's certain fun in time competing with the GPS.

To be the only adult in the room 

I had to learn to fall 

without self-destruction

or explanation of some factors

conditions, terms, unsatisfactions

I live in cycles, scales, spaces

And none can level unless they're

already standing

Release the bowstring 

feel your face

What's all this pressure for

I experienced the most intense system recalibration this morning, which unlocked the reason for literally every negative event in my life since I can remember myself. Sounds too woo-woo, eh? 

June 2025 I met a man who was, like many of them in my life, brilliant. Yet he lived like a bum and didn't ask for more. For years I thought that the idea of patrons of the arts needs to come back and create a new lineage - patrons of genius minds. Those minds, who come up with world-changing creations, or sometimes (I'm not even afraid to say it) ideas that restructure the universe with their newness, those minds usually don't think in terms of money. 

Listening to that man in June I suddenly realized that patrons are not needed. Because it's all in the nervous system and his body language was my inspiration. An experiment was born. No one wanted to talk to me about their knowledge of the nervous system, nor desired to become the lab rat. So I became it. Can normalizing one's whole system bring wholesome success to any person? 

Today my grief is heavier than cement in lungs. Not depression, but expected sorrow, paired with excitement that's unfathomable in its proportions. We'll see what happens next. But I could be right this time LOL

I shake & sob for

all the time I spent acquiring

ideals, circumstances & events 

that now compose my grief:

disappointment, anger, hate

While tears pour

I hug this smile:

I allow myself to bliss