Spring Winds

I hide what I eat, when, and how much. 

I hide who I am, my emotions. 

I hide. 

Feeling safe with the one I love 

I open up, but,

he doesn't have a mentor, doesn't have a god, 

he uses me against me,

defends himself, not us. 

I wish I stashed that good mood

beneath the sink, or elsewhere.

Maybe there's a crumble of a laugh

under the mattress. 

In search for smiles I find intent,

an urge to slow down,

a need to just enjoy. 

I can't replace myself

but I can change. 

In the Middle of the Night

If I could paint a portrait of myself
for self-reflection
of depths
the healing pain
the screams
the swollen heart stretchmarked from ocean water
the raw emotions before they're packaged
the burning in the chest
self-mutilations
shatters of dreams
fingers around my neck
my lungs exhaling puffs of fear
sore muscles
ancestral trauma
intestines falling out
clenched jaw that breaks my teeth
breasts residued with milk
and bruises
fat & ketchup,
I would.

     Mephistate all your dreams, yob. Mephistate all thoughts, change the past, make the future. Make it worth living. Show me all your genius, all at once, yobbo. I'll take care of tickets and ice cream.

     Ask for my hand and take me to explore new places.

Life

When greeted with ugly

dirty dishes

in the morning,

I want to blow 'em up,

but I all have is

an Fbomb. 

Tea.