I hide what I eat, when, and how much.
I hide who I am, my emotions.
Feeling safe with the one I love
I open up, but,
he doesn't have a mentor, doesn't have a god,
he uses me against me,
defends himself, not us.
I wish I stashed that good mood
beneath the sink, or elsewhere.
Maybe there's a crumble of a laugh
under the mattress.
In search for smiles I find intent,
an urge to slow down,
a need to just enjoy.
I can't replace myself
but I can change.