Saturday, July 3, 2021

6am inspirations

***
Walked into the kitchen
Caught the smell of coffee
for a second
But no, it's just the rat and I
 
3.VII.2021
***
What's a lie
and what's the truth
What is left
and where's wrong
Letting go of control
Does it matter in the end?
 
2.VII.2021
***
I stretch out on the floor
But it's moving
the bus is moving
"One day baby, we'll be old
Oh baby, we'll be old
Think of all the stories that we couldn't told... "
 

2.VII.2021 

 ***

Would there be art, music
without ache, ego
sex
Would there be anything
'cause I'm sick of it all.
All of it.

***

Dancing through it all,
twirling away
can't stop feeling
for the traps under my foot
And if I find them
I'll grow
And if I don't I'll fly
Letting go
Watching myself
trying on a trick
to disappear
Letting go
Making a new habit
of not standing in the way
of the dance

28.VI.2021

*** 

Rat
ate my flowers
the apricot tree
Can't look at what else
I'm going to yoga 

25.VI.2021 

*** 

Только что вспомнила, как мы, будучи детьми, вылазили на крышу 9ти этажки. Представила своих детей на крыше, и чуть ли не умерла на месте. Что нас останавливало постоянно туда лазить? Страх бездомных заросших мужиков, живущих на этих чердаках. Ужас. Заброшенные стройки отдыхают. 

***

I'm sat here for breakfast
with a Demon
(the tea was my idea, he showed up uncalled)
It sounds so Regal
but I keep sitting
and I keep looking
He's just a scared child
of mine

20.VI.2021 

***

I crossed the ocean
with something on my mind
But turned out I
had no vocabulary for it
Sad landing.

18.VI.2021

***
All the more I'm enjoying this life
with all its insanities, wisdom and elegance
With all its grace, depth and complexities
You're a part of it
And I am grateful for that.
 
15.VI.2021

***

If I have to drive a stake
into the heart
to mark my free spirit
So be it 

13.VI.2021 

*** 

When did I start ending the days
instead of letting them be
whatever they want

11.VI.2021

 ***

Summer dust
I don't think I would mind
if I had no shoes
 
10.VI.2021

*** 

I fall in love
roughly three times each day
You'd think it's a hyperbole
or a fleeting kind of summer breeze
Yet it sweeps in and settles deep in me
for life
Here's the first one of my day:
8.VI.2021 

 *** 

- I can't get into her head
and it's making me frail
- Listen, man, to know her in detail
all you have to do is to
know yourself
Exhale

6.VI.2021 

*** 

My eyes have been feasting
on Spring moods, feelings, grasses
clouds, shadows
Its whole being
being born out of sleep
awakens in me something
I can't remember but that
which I yearn for while
pulling in the yarn laid behind
lest I stumble upon it
and remember the fractals in the sky

4.VI.2021

*** 

I can lie to myself all I want but my body won't let me 

3.VI.2021 

***

Feels like I could have lived
many lives
in these past nine years
that have grown around me
so swiftly
since I moved my heart here
to Crestone
2 June, 2012

2.VI.2021

*** 

Night of no Italian florid ballads
Chortle!
Dirnt doo-wop whockah
Drink-real perforated with
tom-tom & thwack rataplan
Pump-a-rum basal popular
& sooo impressive
Sweet barbaric, eerie familiar
twang chihusien wah wah
Whizz of rotten Crestone ethic
Vocally triumphant mum lub dub hackigi-gi-gi
Gobbledygook at times
Bash! Baraaag badum tish!
Gada-gada-gada flog
Then remorseless thwack
Wob wob wooooob breeeaaa bum
brrum brrrumble
Whizz
Rowdy esoteric toot
Raucous-spirited jam in town.

31.V.2021 

*** 

The sea is it
the ocean - a he
Today I pretend they're she
like the water they're made of
And I see how they're all
intimately connected
Half of what I've wanted to become
I already am.

 29.V.2021

*** 

Tell me the point of
human intelligence
Everything brilliant
comes from the Source
Put on our Hades cap
fighting ourselves
Stubbornness
Negligence
What have you
to say

 27.V.2021

*** 

I can't see why
I can't say how
it seems my life
is being built
upon the struggles
of all around
And it's been hard
to watch
unfold

26.V.2021 

***

No matter how this or that
you've picked to be in this life
Your soul is august alike Universe

25.V.2021

***
I watch how one thought
can change the past
I chuckle
and up my tea dose
It's here now, my next thought
that's about to change
my future.
 
24.V.2021
***
I've asked for this
over and over again
Wanted to do everything
differently
Now that it's here, in my face
I'm the same, same
same...
 
23.V.2021
***
Every conversation
every interaction
is self-discovery
If you're honest enough
 
22.V.2021
***
I take off my robe
Straighten out, stretch
I give up the morning
reluctantly, painfully,
asking it
to leave me something
to be in
It's the bird song.
 
21.V.2021
***
my Mary mornings
unmarred by thought
hard to let go of
 
20.V.2021
***
I will see you off
into the darkest
into the deepest
reality that doesn't exist here
A place that's not a place at all
I will take your fire arrows
that you'll send from there
and carefully lay them into
an iron chest
Their lace smoke will
smudge this space
When you're ready
the moon will greet you
the sun will warm you
Your body reborn
your soul awakened
We'll welcome you.
 

19.V.2021 

***

Do I choose the view or the sanity?
Jazz or the symphony?
Poetry in which language?
And why do I have to choose...

forbidden photo 18.V.2021

***
As I fall apart a little louder every day
years pour out of me, months of silence
I thank and thank those close to me
for willingly getting covered with the thick
tacky, sappy, fermented pain that's not theirs
and those who come out of nowhere
sharing the warmth of their hearts with me
giving gifts of love I don't remember
I thank you
I thank you.
 
15.V.2021

*** 

You won.
But somehow it doesn't feel like much.
Onto the next person you go...

13.V.2021

 *** 

Iberian statues
would have been fun
to discover on the bottom of Siene
painted by Picasso
in summertime
 
11.V.2021

 *** 

I look at people,
but how often I recognize them
as people 

*** 

Today I repent
all my anger, distrust
and annoyance
every passionate moment
of evil
Today I finally felt
oh, god
my energy waste
You must see it as well -
that gold ocean
out of which in one thought
a river can flow -
the precious supply
to be weaved into
Life
of our dreams.
 
10.V.2021

 *** 

Three loads of laundry - done
the house is mopped and cleaned
the dishes - put away
my kids are fed:
like every day
it must be Mother's Day,
again
 
9.V.2021

 *** 

Day by day
and every moment I accept
and grab her hand
It's cold, it's soft, or maybe red
It tugs on me, she walks with me
And shows me wild, wild worlds.
The comfort and
the knowing she's always here
with me, for me
In sickness and in health
The hands of Titan Thoughts.
So tell me, how could I let go of that?
 
8.V.2021

*** 

Filtered.
When we bow,
our heart is above our head.
Not a bad place to be
a few times each day.
 
7.V.2021

*** 

We have to own every beautiful
thing we see,
every person, every living thing,
do we?
Some of us are fed by the Sun,
we achieve, succeed, we collect,
bring it home. We sum.
All and sundry we want,
sinking ships in the sea.
When desires befall
don't let go of me.
 
6.V.2021

*** 

My rationality, my practicality
is everywhere, in everything.
It tiptoed in and slithered itself onto me.
I noticed. I let it. I must have. I must have?
It was kilometers from here. I wrap myself
with that long road, and sit and tea.
I watch my assertion make sense of clouds,
of invisible longings inside - somewhere below
my lungs...
And I balance by growing flowers from my chest,
by feeling the heat of my hands, by planting
good seeds
spontaneously.
 
5.V.2021

*** 

Which part of me
is always asking to be filled -
the heart, the head, the gut?
Is it my grey matter
nosing for new experience?
Which part of me is
so attached to a routine,
which part is scared of losing?
 
4.V.2021

 *** 

That was last night
today's a new view
Don't be left behind
you'll grow old
 
2.V.2021

*** 

Dear Moirai,
is it parking lot's lot to be parked on?
Is it my stars to be among insanity?
Is it my time to disagree with you?
 
28.IV.2021

 *** 

I'm not bored at you.
But sometimes your words don't attract any thoughts.
It's a pause. And it's nice.
Yet some times there's a deep exploration
that unravels the source, ties into oceans,
washes the shores.
And that's nice.
 
27.IV.2021

*** 

Time is relative, even in Breguet's world.

*** 

I remember the first time I saw a woman drink.
It was my beloved grandpa's sister, I thought.
She was heavy, rasp, used to being here.
A quick shot of vodka, then laughter.
I was shocked. I thought only men drank.
I remember the first time I saw a woman smoke.
She was a young school girl. So feminine and beautiful.
I was shocked. I deemed her a prostitute, sitting there,
on the park bench, waiting for guys to notice.
I don't remember how I found out about the Red Light District,
I do remember an older male friend,
who played the guitar for us,
wishing for me to be older.
I remember other things, many things,
that turned my world upside down.
I knew they weren't right. But what could I do.
And what can I do now...
 
27.IV.2021

 *** 

Funky sun in the south
a friend, a pup, a car
Driving away to great jazzy music
Goodbye, papa!

26.IV.2021 

(if I only I knew then...) 

*** 

Shifting priority from human relations
to interactions with nature, music
and heart
paying attention to concepts
unlearned
is somehow new in my world.
Yet I see how we build our
relationship with everything that
does and doesn't exist
is what makes us unique.
I just changed.
 
25.IV.2021

 *** 

I tuned my guitar,
I lost two strings.
My ax balalaika,
my friend with a lisp.

23.IV.2021

 *** 

This low kitchen counter
brings down my self-esteem
as I hunch over it
many hours a day.
Standardized living
is killing
the soul.
 
22.IV.2021

 *** 

Instead of laundry, dinner, dishes and cleanup I just sat there and ate sunflower seeds. Because
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone
mama
 
21.IV.2021
 
*** 

Personal
boundaries
are amazing,
from both ways.
Take responsibility to work
with your emotions
inside your boundary,
within
your light egg.
Reach out with only love.
 
21.IV.2021

*** 

The fractal of life
doesn't have to end
with my experience of it.
I will keep creating
in every every.
My eyes never see the same sunrise,
let my mind be anew anow, aforever.
 
20.IV.2021

*** 

powerlessness,
misleading in appearance,
is a grand beginning
of muliebrity
since no one will trace
this rocket going into space
to me
 
19.IV.2021

 *** 

he once forgot the word 'egg',
because he put the word up
against the white wall
and didn't see it right away.
we can't out-imagine the universe,
I tell you,
unless we go outside of it.
who can?
 
16.IV.2021

*** 

High Priestess
you are,
don't look away.
I'm here to tell you
to take back all your power.
No one can lie to you,
for you always know.
Men's weapons are but toys
compared to what you have.
Now sit with me.
I need an army.
 
15.IV.2021

*** 

There are things everyone knows the reason for, but no one talks about. And once you start taking about it, no one can explain that reason. 

13.IV.2021

*** 

I am rewriting my past
And maybe sooner
I will be able to see you
as you.
 
12.IV.2021

*** 

The relationships
with myself, people,
plants, dirt, animals,
elements and all thoughts,
my relationship with events
and circumstances,
kinship with the Universe -
are all I have.
Better make 'em good.
 
9.IV.2021

*** 

Interesting,
as we put our roots down
we also tend to build all around:
structures of
habits, rituals, networks, routines...
Careful then to not end up in a cage.
 
5.IV.2021

*** 

I must acknowledge music
for my survival.
It fills the bottom of my body
as if feeding me love.
It lets my heart pour out,
as if I'm the one holding the frequency.
The Pattern, the Flower, the Wave
of Life.
The purpose of sound is silence.
 
4.IV.2021

*** 

In the morning it came -
the thought.
It opened into
the big realization,
one of millions,
just like the sunrise
it came with,
just like the song
that accompanied it.
Another beginning,
a mother of new life.
 
4.IV.2021

*** 

We're drowning in the
alphabet rearranged
every day.
At least let's make sure
there's light behind it.
 
2.IV.2021

*** 

There's a full moon inside
of me
Yet I feel so flattened.

31.III.2021

*** 

I am a seed with endless lives, a noxious species.

*** 

Running from reality
I am too.
Until it becomes new reality.
What's the illusion?

 

28.III.2021

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