I've missed the rain, I said today when I came to it.
No, you didn't, - it said, - here I am.
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When I slice off my dreads, there are tree rings in it. And I can see everything that my hair had absorbed into itself: laughs I've had, drug paraphernalia, clouds, moods, bug deaths, dances I've danced, food I've eaten ... there're also your thoughts in my hair, your words, your dreams, your past and present. Hidden rings hold it all, the rings that don't talk.
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| photo found on thisisnthappiness.com |
It's cruel, so cruel to make me move. From one house onto the next, I wonder if it'll ever stop. I can spend weeks pretending it's not going to happen, not packing a single box, smiling at all my happily lush sunbathing plants. And what about the perfect chaos hidden from guests' eyes in every cabinet? What about all the chaos of perfection of my sunlit kitchen? The calmness of the bedroom? Do I have to disassemble all of it? Glass vase with dry branches on the windowsill ... the fragile balance of every mood filling the house - all gone with a switch of a vacuum. Dry hands from cleaning, bloated belly from junk food, dehydrated eyes, thin wrinkles around the lips - all so I don't sink into the calm "forever"; move, move. Slowly the space empties out, colors disappear, echo settles in. As if I've never been here before...
Today
I thought to myself, "I regret you. I've never regretted anything in my life, but you - I regret."And that was my truth. But that's not very fair. I am glad for what happened; I am happy that now I can be free, I am happy and excited to find someone right for my small family. It's always easier to evolve with someone than by oneself, when that someone pushes you to the limit, opens you up to the world and to yourself. I got to see many colors and angles of myself, I know what to work on, in love. I
smile in deep gratitude for you, I'm thankful for every moment we've had. Life is beautiful. I wish your life to be magnificent!
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