Eyes closed, I found memories

kitchen table, chair with tools underneath

my parents' legs, my brother's stroller

my back's silhouette to viewer

I picked them up like thin weightless tiles

tried to melt them in a white fire

hoping to repurpose some emotions

Me resisted this small start (art)

But I look forward to being me

without tiles of the past

The transformation of the cat

through curiosity



Medeu, Almaty

It was like a holiday, every time. Men sharpening blades, music playing, shirtless people, backwards skating, dancing, in the mountains. People bound together by this strange, amazing activity. A holiday embedded into me, a child, forever. I look out at the these and I plot: for my kids and my inner kid. Let's go! 



Unsupported

When you are not held

and loved and understood

unprovided for

Happiness has no place

But take responsibility

and change

There's joy oozing out of the washing machine

delight on the ironing board

there are smiles brooding in the soup pot

Shop vac your tears

You can return to this sculpted chaos any time

Generate your awe for life

in tadasana

and dance like only you do

Isn't there a guitar in there, too?


 

Center of a dark pink carnation

"Oooo, lou-lou lou-lou" of a song

Happiness so different

it had weight

filled me

Just the right combination

of tickled thumb and melodic sounds

What is this new feeling

after all these years alive



Eating sugar off the leaves

watching the fog roll in

Arctic sun disk in my eyes

crows in the openwork dead trees

The outside mystifies me out

out of my inner guise

And that's all