I watch movies, and there are no couples in them with their own vocabulary. They don't seem real - in reality every couple has their own words and nicknames, personalized little piles of adorable mind-things. All those sounds and gestures, built up into a life of togetherness and love for each other. What happens to all those things when a split comes? Do all the emotions and little names puff into clouds and float away into a different galaxy? Do they pack their letters and move on to another couple who's just fallen in love? Or are their torn pieces hanging off the trees outside my window, squeaking in the wind, fading in the sun?

 

 

Tender togetherness

 

   
   I watch movies, and there are no couples in them with their own vocabulary. They don't seem real - in reality every couple has their own words and nicknames, personalized little piles of adorable mind-things. All those sounds and gestures, built up into a life of togetherness and love for each other. What happens to all those things when a split comes? Do all the emotions and little names puff into clouds and float away into a different galaxy? Do they pack their letters and move on to another couple who's just fallen in love? Or are their torn pieces hanging off the trees outside my window, squeaking in the wind, fading in the sun?

Holes & holes

     I suppose we are all holy. No, I meant holly as in full of holes (not evergreens). Full of holes & egos. And we all like to fill 'em holes with stuff, because empty is just so empty. Some drink, some drug themselves, some sing, some dance, you might hurt or paint or all of the above. I am not judging, I'm simply saying it out loud.
     All the pain I've been feeling is tearing me apart; it started at the chest, then moved down, then ripped more in all directions. "I've seen it with my own eyes - out of pain life is born." From inside of me light is shining, just like that - love has been exposed. Somehow pain doesn't hurt anymore, but rips me open, spilling colors into the world, soaking it in love. And what if I come out clean to myself, accept all that is - I can dance away...

Red Shorts

Передо мной такая красота, такой танец, всё кружиться, как снег, заметает нотами - как давно я такого не испытывала!  И я тут, сижу в дурацких красных шортах, потому что платье такое короткое. Пианино и кудрявые струны гитары...

Talking

     I am 31 years old. And just now I am realizing that people can't communicate telepathically. My whole life I've been confused and silent. And everyone around me has been upset. Now I know. 

     How did it happen that we've forgotten? How can we relearn? Is anyone else interested? Or are we stuck in this horrible affair for a while longer?

     Now I try to communicate with words, with letters, with sounds; I try my best to reply to e-mails & texts, and outcries. It's a lot of work, a lot of energy ... now I'm tired ... But I'm aware. Somehow it's empowering at times. Sometimes I'm proud of myself ...

     Yet words can only point to the Truth, but will never be the Truth.